Clarity

I haven't been keeping up with this like I thought I would. I've been watching that TV show called 'Awkward' lately and thinking that I could easily do something like that but I am learning that I do not have the capability to sit at a computer or notebook or anything and just write anymore. Which sucks. Because I love to write. However, that's not why I'm writing this (ironic, I know).

I'm writing this today mainly to complain so that I don't overwhelm my RA with more of my problems (That poor women listens to all of my issues). Well, how do I begin to explain the idiocy and just plan rudeness that just occurred. General information it is.

I have a lovely friend that will write encourage notes on the whiteboard that I have right outside my dorm on the wall. It's nothing much. Just a small, unfortunately pink, whiteboard that I write my halfway funny comments and thoughts on being in school. So, my friend writes that she loves me and adds "P.S. You are gorgeous!" See! Sweet and encouraging. Makes my day every time that I see it.

Well, what do you know? Someone decided that today would be a fantastic day to be a complete and utter butt-head. They erased the word 'gorgeous' and replaced it with their angry, and may I add not very pretty!, handwriting with 'NOT PRETTY.' All caps. See, that's not pretty. I don't get upset very easily, she says as she complains to anonymous people on the internet, but this hurt.

 I have struggled for years with self image. I do not like the way that I look and a rarely ever feel pretty. On the days that I do I could very well take over the world. Add some lipstick and high heels and I become the Queen of Confidence. However, today was not that day. I woke up twenty minutes late for my eight a.m. class and had to rush to get ready. It felt like everything that could bulge decided today was the day to show itself off to the world. Not the best start to the day. The day progressed and turned out not so bad. I went to get coffee with one of my best friends and mentors and went to an amazing spiritual event. But, as soon as I got back to the dorms, all my insecurities came crashing down on me again.

I am in complete shock that someone would do this. Not to say that I'm the best person in the world because I am definitely not. But for someone to attack me in such a way, and to be such a coward that they wrote it on a white board instead of saying it to my face, absolutely astonishes me. It's shocking to know that people are that way. I guess my little bubble shrouded me from seeing how other people can use their hurt to degrade someone else.

I hope that whoever wrote that reads this some day, not just so they know that the words they use, even when written on a whiteboard, do hurt people and make a lasting impact. You hurt me. And I forgive you. Not because someone talked me down out of my hurricane of emotions but because I have done the exact same thing and wish I had the chance to gain the other person's forgiveness.

The people in my life are amazing in every way. They encourage even when they don't know what's going on and for that I am so thankful. I want to be angry and find out whoever wrote that but the influence that these people have had on me have shown me that anger will not accomplish anything and neither will idly sitting by. Loving people will though. Showing people that they mean something will. Reminding people how amazing they are and that the worldly view of beauty doesn't mean anything definitely will. My challenge to myself is to remember all of those for myself and, whoever may be reading this, I hope you know it too.

Wise words from a Wise Monkey.

Don't dwell on the past words of someone but rather focus on where they can go.